3
第一和第三空间之间没有连通的垃圾道，第一空间的垃圾经过一道铁闸，运到第三空间之后，铁闸迅速合拢。老刀不喜欢从地表翻越，但他没有办法。
There was no trash chute connecting First Space directly with Third Space. The trash from First Space had to pass through a set of metal gates to be transported into Third Space, and the gates shut as soon as the trash went through. Lao Dao didn’t like the idea of having to go over the flipping ground, but he had no choice.
他在呼啸的风中爬过翻转的土地，抓住每一寸零落的金属残渣，找到身体和心理平衡，最后匍匐在离他最遥远的一重世界的土地上。他被整个攀爬弄得头晕脑胀，胃口也不舒服。他忍住呕吐，在地上趴了一会儿。
As the wind whipped around him, he crawled up the still–rotating earth toward First Space. He grabbed onto metal structural elements protruding from the soil, struggling to balance his body and calm his heart, until he finally managed to scrabble over the rim of this most distant world. He felt dizzy and nauseated from the intense climb, and forcing down his churning stomach, he remained still on the ground for a while.
当他爬起身的时候，天亮了。
By the time he got up, the sun had risen.
老刀从来没有见过这样的景象。太阳缓缓升起，天边是深远而纯净的蓝，蓝色下沿是橙黄色，有斜向上的条状薄云。太阳被一处屋檐遮住，屋檐显得异常黑，屋檐背后明亮夺目。太阳升起时，天的蓝色变浅了，但是更宁静透彻。老刀站起身，向太阳的方向奔跑。他想要抓住那道褪去的金色。蓝天中能看见树枝的剪影。他的心狂跳不已。他从来不知道太阳升起竟然如此动人。
Lao Dao had never seen such a sight. The sun rose gradually. The sky was a deep and pure azure, with an orange fringe at the horizon, decorated with slanted, thin wisps of cloud. The eaves of a nearby building blocked the sun, and the eaves appeared especially dark while the background was dazzlingly bright. As the sun continued to rise, the blue of the sky faded a little, but seemed even more tranquil and clear. Lao Dao stood up and ran at the sun; he wanted to catch a trace of that fading golden color. Silhouettes of waving tree branches broke up the sky. His heart leapt wildly. He had never imagined that a sunrise could be so moving.
他跑了一段路，停下来，冷静了。他站在街道中央。路的两旁是高大树木和大片草坪。他环视四周，目力所及，远远近近都没有一座高楼。他迷惑了，不确定自己是不是真的到了第一空间。他能看见两排粗壮的银杏。
After a while, he slowed down and calmed himself. He was standing in the middle of the street, lined on both sides with tall trees and wide lawns. He looked around, and he couldn’t see any buildings at all. Confused, he wondered if he had really reached First Space. He pondered the two rows of sturdy gingkoes.
他又退回几步，看着自己跑来的方向。街边有一个路牌。他打开手机里存的地图，虽然没有第一空间动态图权限，但有事先下载的静态图。他找到了自己的位置和他要去的地方。他刚从一座巨大的园子里奔出来，翻转的地方就在园子的湖边。
He backed up a few steps and turned to look in the direction he had come from. There was a road sign next to the street. He took out his phone and looked at the map—although he wasn’t authorized to download live maps from First Space, he had downloaded and stored some maps before leaving on this trip. He found where he was as well as where he needed to be. He was standing next to a large open park, and the seam he had emerged from was next to a lake in that park.
老刀在万籁俱寂的街上跑了一公里，很容易找到了要找的小区。他躲在一丛灌木背后，远远地望着那座漂亮的房子。
Lao Dan ran about a kilometer through the deserted streets until he reached the residential district containing his destination. He hid behind some bushes and observed the beautiful house from a distance.
8:30，依言出来了。
At eight thirty, Yi Yan came out of the house.
她像秦天描述的一样清秀，只是没有那么漂亮。老刀早就能想到这点。不会有任何女孩长得像秦天描述的那么漂亮。他明白了为什么秦天着重讲她的嘴。她的眼睛和鼻子很普通，只是比较秀气，没什么好讲的。她的身材还不错，骨架比较小，虽然高，但看上去很纤细。穿了一条乳白色连衣裙，有飘逸的裙摆，腰带上有珍珠，黑色高跟皮鞋。
She was indeed as elegant as Qin Tian’s description had suggested, though perhaps not as pretty. Lao Dao wasn’t surprised, however. No woman could possibly be as beautiful as Qin Tian’s verbal portrait. He also understood why Qin Tian had spoken so much of her mouth. Her eyes and nose were fairly ordinary. She had a good figure: Tall, with delicate bones. She wore a milky white dress with a flowing skirt. Her belt was studded with pearls, and she had on black heels.
老刀悄悄走上前去。为了不吓到她，他特意从正面走过去，离得远远的就鞠了一躬。
Lao Dao walked up to her. To avoid startling her, he approached from the front, and bowed deeply when he was still some distance away.
她站住了，惊讶地看着他。
She stood still, looking at him in surprise.
老刀走近了，说明来意，将包裹着情书和项链坠的信封从怀里掏出来。
Lao Dao came closer and explained his mission. He took out the envelope with the locket and Qin Tian’s letter.
她的脸上滑过一丝惊慌，小声说：“你先走，我现在不能和你说。”
She looked alarmed. “Please leave,” she whispered. “I can’t talk to you right now.”
“呃……我其实没什么要说的，”老刀说，“我只是送信的。”
“Uh… I don’t really need to talk to you,” Lao Dao said. “I just need to give you this letter.”
她不接，双手紧紧地搅握着，只是说：“我现在不能收。你先走。我是说真的，拜托了，你先走吧好吗？”她说着低头，从包里掏出一张名片，“中午到这里找我。”
She refused to take it from him, clasping her hands tightly. “I can’t accept this now. Please leave. Really, I’m begging you. All right?” She took out a business card from her purse and handed it to him. “Come find me at this address at noon.”
老刀低头看看，名片上写着一个银行的名字。
Lao Dao looked at the card. At the top was the name of a bank.
“十二点。到地下超市等我。”她又说。
“At noon,” she said. “Wait for me in the underground supermarket.”
老刀看得出她过分的不安，于是点头收起名片，回到隐身的灌木丛后，远远地观望着。很快，又有一个男人从房子里出来，到她身边。男人看上去和老刀年龄相仿，或者年轻两岁，穿着一套很合身的深灰色西装，身材高而宽阔，虽没有突出的肚子，但是觉得整个身体很厚。男人的脸无甚特色，戴眼镜，圆脸，头发向一侧梳得整齐。
Lao Dao could tell how anxious she was. He nodded, put the card away, and returned to hide behind the bushes. Soon, a man emerged from the house and stopped next to her. The man looked to be about Lao Dao’s age, or maybe a couple of years younger. Dressed in a dark gray, well–fitted suit, he was tall and broad–shouldered. Not fat, just thickset. His face was nondescript: Round, a pair of glasses, hair neatly combed to one side.
男人搂住依言的腰，吻了她嘴唇一下。依言想躲，但没躲开，颤抖了一下，手挡在身前显得非常勉强。
The man grabbed Yi Yan around the waist and kissed her on the lips. Yi Yan seemed to give in to the kiss reluctantly.
老刀开始明白了。
Understanding began to dawn on Lao Dao.
一辆小车开到房子门前。单人双轮小车，黑色，敞篷，就像电视里看到的古代的马车或黄包车，只是没有马拉，也没有车夫。小车停下，歪向前，依言踏上去，坐下，拢住裙子，让裙摆均匀覆盖膝盖，散到地上。小车缓缓开动了，就像有一匹看不见的马拉着一样。依言坐在车里，小车缓慢而波澜不惊。等依言离开，一辆无人驾驶的汽车开过来，男人上了车。
A single–rider cart arrived in front of the house. The black cart had two wheels and a canopy, and resembled an ancient carriage or rickshaw one might see on TV, except there was no horse or person pulling the cart. The cart stopped and dipped forward. Yi Yan stepped in, sat down, and arranged the skirt of the dress neatly around her knees. The cart straightened and began to move at a slow, steady pace, as though pulled by some invisible horse. After Yi Yan left, a driverless car arrived, and the man got in.
老刀在原地来回踱着步子。他觉得有些东西非常憋闷，但又说不出来。他站在阳光里，闭上眼睛，清晨蓝天下清凛干净的空气沁入他的肺。空气给他一种冷静的安慰。
Lao Dao paced in place. He felt something was pushing at his throat, but he couldn’t articulate it. Standing in the sun, he closed his eyes. The clean, fresh air filled his lungs and provided some measure of comfort.
片刻之后，他才上路。依言给的地址在她家东面，3公里多一点。街上人很少。8车道的宽阔道路上行驶着零星车辆，快速经过，让人看不清车的细节。偶尔有华服的女人乘坐着双轮小车缓缓飘过他身旁，沿步行街，像一场时装秀，端坐着姿态优美。没有人注意到老刀。绿树摇曳，树叶下的林荫路留下长裙的气味。
A moment later, he was on his way. The address Yi Yan had given him was to the east, a little more than three kilometers away. There were very few people in the pedestrian lane, and only scattered cars sped by in a blur on the eight–lane avenue. Occasionally, well–dressed women passed Lao Dao in two–wheeled carts. The passengers adopted such graceful postures that it was as though they were in some fashion show. No one paid any attention to Lao Dao. The trees swayed in the breeze, and the air in their shade seemed suffused with the perfume from the elegant women.
依言的办公地在西单某处。这里完全没有高楼，只是围绕着一座花园有零星分布的小楼，楼与楼之间的联系气若游丝，几乎看不出它们是一体。走到地下，才看到相连的通道。
Yi Yan’s office was in the Xidan commercial district. There were no skyscrapers at all, only a few low buildings scattered around a large park. The buildings seemed isolated from each other but were really parts of a single compound connected via underground passages.
老刀找到超市。时间还早。一进入超市，就有一辆小车跟上他，每次他停留在货架旁，小车上的屏幕上就显示出这件货物的介绍、评分和同类货物质量比。超市里的东西都写着他看不懂的文字。食物包装精致，小块糕点和水果用诱人的方式摆在盘里，等人自取。他没有触碰任何东西。不过整个超市似乎并没有警卫或店员。
Lao Dao found the supermarket. He was early. As soon as he came in, a small shopping cart began to follow him around. Every time he stopped by a shelf, the screen on the cart displayed the names of the goods on the shelf, their description, customer reviews, and comparison with other brands in the same category. All merchandise in the supermarket seemed to be labeled in foreign languages. The packaging for all the food products was very refined, and small cakes and fruits were enticingly arranged on plates for customers. He didn’t dare to touch anything, keeping his distance as though they were dangerous, exotic animals. There seemed to be no guards or clerks in the whole market.
还不到十二点，顾客就多了起来。有穿西装的男人走进超市，取三明治，在门口刷一下就匆匆离开。还是没有人特别注意老刀。他在门口不起眼的位置等着。
More customers appeared before noon. Some men in suits came into the market, grabbed sandwiches, and waved them at the scanner next to the door before hurrying out. No one paid any attention to Lao Dao as he waited in an obscure corner near the door.
依言出现了。老刀迎上前去，依言看了看左右，没说话，带他去了隔壁的一家小餐厅。两个穿格子裙子的小机器人迎上来，接过依言手里的小包，又带他们到位子上，递上菜单。依言在菜单上按了几下，小机器人转身，轮子平稳地滑回了后厨。
Yi Yan appeared, and Lao Dao went up to her. Yi Yan glanced around, and without saying anything, led Lao Dao to a small restaurant next door. Two small robots dressed in plaid skirts greeted them, took Yi Yan’s purse, brought them to a booth, and handed them menus. Yi Yan pressed a few spots on the menu to make her selection and handed the menu back to the robot. The robot turned and glided smoothly on its wheels to the back.
两个人面对面坐了片刻，老刀又掏出信封。
Yi Yan and Lao Dao sat mutely across from each other. Lao Dao took out the envelope.
依言却没有接：“……你能听我解释一下吗？”
Yi Yan still didn’t take it from him. “Can you let me explain?”
老刀把信封推到她面前：“你先收下这个。”
Lao Dao pushed the envelope across the table. “Please take this first.”
依言推回给他。
Yi Yan pushed it back.
“你先听我解释一下行吗？”依言又说。
“Can you let me explain first?”
“你没必要跟我解释，”老刀说，“信不是我写的。我只是送信而已。”
“You don’t need to explain anything,” Lao Dao said. “I didn’t write this letter. I’m just the messenger.”
“可是你回去要告诉说的。”依言低了低头。小机器人送上了两个小盘子，一人一份，是某种红色的生鱼片，薄薄两片，摆成花瓣的形状。依言没有动筷子，老刀也没有。信封被小盘子隔在中央，两个人谁也没再推。“我不是背叛他。去年他来的时候我就已经订婚了。我也不是故意瞒他或欺骗他，或者说……是的，我骗了他，但那是他自己猜的。他见到吴闻来接我，就问是不是我爸爸。我……我没法回答他。你知道，那太尴尬了。我……”
“But you have to go back and give him an answer.” Yi Yan looked down. The little robot returned with two plates, one for each of them. On each plate were two slices of some kind of red sashimi, arranged like flower petals. Yi Yan didn’t pick up her chopsticks, and neither did Lao Dao. The envelope rested between the two plates, and neither touched it. “I didn’t betray him. When I met him last year, I was already engaged. I didn’t lie to him or conceal the truth from him on purpose… Well, maybe I did lie, but it was because he assumed and guessed. He saw Wu Wen come to pick me up once, and he asked me if he was my father. I… I couldn’t answer him, you know? It was just too embarrassing. I…”
依言说不下去了。
Yi Yan couldn’t speak any more.
老刀等了一会儿说：“我不想追问你们之前的事。你收下信就行了。”
Lao Dao waited a while. “I’m not interested in what happened between you two. All I care about is that you take the letter.”
依言低头好一会儿又抬起来：“你回去以后，能不能替我瞒着他？”
Yi Yan kept her head down, and then she looked up. “After you go back, can you… help me by not telling him everything?”
“为什么？”
“Why?”
“我不想让他以为我是坏女人耍他。其实我心里是喜欢他的。我也很矛盾。”
“I don’t want him to think that I was just playing with his feelings. I do like him, really. I feel very conflicted.”
“这些和我没关系。”
“None of this is my concern.”
“求你了……我是真的喜欢他。”
“Please, I’m begging you… I really do like him.”
老刀沉默了一会儿，他需要做一个决定。
Lao Dao was silent for a while.
“可是你还是结婚了？”他问她。
“But you got married in the end?”
“吴闻对我很好。好几年了。”依言说，“他认识我爸妈。我们订婚也很久了。况且……我比秦天大三岁，我怕他不能接受。秦天以为我是实习生。这点也是我不好，我没说实话。最开始只是随口说的，到后来就没法改口了。我真的没想到他是认真的。”
“Wu Wen was very good to me. We’d been together several years. He knew my parents, and we’d been engaged for a long time. Also, I’m three years older than Qin Tian, and I was afraid he wouldn’t like that. Qin Tian thought I was an intern, like him, and I admit that was my fault for not telling him the truth. I don’t know why I said I was an intern at first, and then it became harder and harder to correct him. I never thought he would be serious.”
依言慢慢透露了她的信息。她是这个银行的总裁助理，已经工作两年多了，只是被派往联合国参加培训，赶上那次会议，就帮忙参与了组织。她不需要上班，老公挣的钱足够多，可她不希望总是一个人呆在家里，才出来上班，每天只工作半天，拿半薪。其余的时间自己安排，可以学一些东西。她喜欢学新东西，喜欢认识新人，也喜欢联合国培训的那几个月。她说像她这样的太太很多，半职工作也很多。中午她下了班，下午会有另一个太太去做助理。她说虽然对秦天没有说实话，可是她的心是真诚的。
Slowly, Yi Yan told Lao Dao her story. She was actually an assistant to the bank’s president and had already been working there for two years at the time she met Qin Tian. She had been sent to the UN for training, and was helping out at the symposium. In fact, her husband earned so much money that she didn’t really need to work, but she didn’t like the idea of being at home all day. She worked only half days and took a half–time salary. The rest of the day was hers to do with as she pleased, and she liked learning new things and meeting new people. She really had enjoyed the months she spent training at the UN. She told Lao Dao that there were many wives like her who worked half–time. As a matter of fact, after she got off work at noon, another wealthy wife worked as the president’s assistant in the afternoon. She told Lao Dao that though she had not told Qin Tian the truth, her heart was honest.
“所以，”她给老刀夹了新上来的热菜，“你能不能暂时不告诉他？等我……有机会亲自向他解释可以吗？”
“And so”—she spooned a serving of the new hot dish onto Lao Dao’s plate—“can you please not tell him, just temporarily? Please… give me a chance to explain to him myself.”
老刀没有动筷子。他很饿，可是他觉得这时不能吃。
Lao Dao didn’t pick up his chopsticks. He was very hungry, but he felt that he could not eat this food.
“可是这等于说我也得撒谎。”老刀说。
“Then I’d be lying, too,” Lao Dao said.
依言回身将小包打开，将钱包取出来，掏出五张一万块的纸币推给老刀。“一点心意，你收下。”
Yi Yan opened her purse, took out her wallet, and retrieved five 10,000–yuan bills. She pushed them across the table toward Lao Dao. “Please accept this token of my appreciation.”
老刀愣住了。他从来没见过一万块钱的纸钞。他生活里从来不需要花这么大的面额。他不自觉地站起身，感到恼怒。依言推出钱的样子就像是早预料到他会讹诈，这让他受不了。他觉得自己如果拿了，就是接受贿赂，将秦天出卖。虽然他和秦天并没有任何结盟关系，但他觉得自己在背叛他。老刀很希望自己这个时候能将钱扔在地上，转身离去，可是他做不到这一步。他又看了几眼那几张钱，五张薄薄的纸散开摊在桌子上，像一把破扇子。他能感觉它们在他体内产生的力量。它们是淡蓝色，和一千块的褐色与一百块的红色都不一样，显得更加幽深遥远，像是一种挑逗。他几次想再看一眼就离开，可是一直没做到。
Lao Dao was stunned. He had never seen bills with such large denominations or needed to use them. Almost subconsciously, he stood up, angry. The way Yi Yan had taken out the money seemed to suggest that she had been anticipating an attempt from him to blackmail her, and he could not accept that. This is what they think of Third Spacers. He felt that if he took her money, he would be selling Qin Tian out. It was true that he really wasn’t Qin Tian’s friend, but he still thought of it as a kind of betrayal. Lao Dao wanted to grab the bills, throw them on the ground, and walk away. But he couldn’t. He looked at the money again: The five thin notes were spread on the table like a broken fan. He could sense the power they had on him. They were baby blue in color, distinct from the brown 1,000–yuan note and the red 100–yuan note. These bills looked deeper, most distant somehow, like a kind of seduction. Several times, he wanted to stop looking at them and leave, but he couldn’t.
她仍然匆匆翻动小包，前前后后都翻了，最后从一个内袋里又拿出五万块，和刚才的钱摆在一起。“我只带了这么多，你都收下吧。”她说，“你帮帮我。其实我之所以不想告诉他，也是不确定以后会怎么样。也许我有一天真的会有勇气和他在一起呢。”
She continued to rummage through her purse, taking everything out, until she finally found another fifty thousand yuan from an inner pocket and placed them together with the other bills. “This is all I have. Please take it and help me.” She paused. “Look, the reason I don’t want him to know is because I’m not sure what I’m going to do. It’s possible that someday I’ll have the courage to be with him.”
老刀看看那十张纸币，又看看她。他觉得她并不相信自己的话，她的声音充满迟疑，出卖了她的心。她只是将一切都推到将来，以消解此时此刻的难堪。她很可能不会和秦天私奔，可是也不想让他讨厌她，于是留着可能性，让自己好过一点。老刀能看出她骗她自己，可是他也想骗自己。他对自己说，他对秦天没有任何义务，秦天只是委托他送信，他把信送到了，现在这笔钱是另一项委托，保守秘密的委托。他又对自己说，也许她和秦天将来真的能在一起也说不定，那样就是成人之美。他还说，想想糖糖，为什么去管别人的事而不管糖糖呢。他似乎安定了一些，手指不知不觉触到了钱的边缘。
Lao Dao looked at the ten notes spread out on the table, and then looked up at her. He sensed that she didn’t believe what she was saying. Her voice was hesitant, belying her words. She was just delaying everything to the future so that she wouldn’t be embarrassed now. She was unlikely to ever elope with Qin Tian, but she also didn’t want him to despise her. Thus, she wanted to keep alive the possibility so that she could feel better about herself. Lao Dao could see that she was lying to herself, but he wanted to lie to himself, too. He told himself, I have no duty to Qin Tian. All he asked was for me to deliver his message to her, and I’ve done that. The money on the table now represents a new commission, a commitment to keep a secret. He waited, and then told himself, Perhaps someday she really will get together with Qin Tian, and in that case I’ll have done a good deed by keeping silent. Besides, I need to think about Tangtang. Why should I get myself all worked up about strangers instead of thinking about Tangtang’s welfare? He felt calmer. He realized that his fingers were already touching the money.
“这钱……太多了。”他给自己一个台阶下，“我不能拿这么多。”
“This is… too much.” He wanted to make himself feel better. “I can’t accept so much.”
“拿着吧，没事。”她把钱塞到他手里，“我一个礼拜就挣出来了。没事的。”
“It’s no big deal.” She stuffed the bills into his hand. “I earn this much in a week. Don’t worry.”
“……那我怎么跟他说？”
“What… what do you want me to tell him?”
“你就说我现在不能和他在一起，但是我真的喜欢他。我给你写个字条，你帮我带给他。”依言从包里找出一个画着孔雀绣着金边的小本子，轻盈地撕下一张纸，低头写字。她的字看上去像倾斜的芦苇。
“Tell him that I can’t be with him now, but I truly like him. I’ll write you a note to bring him.” Yi Yan found a notepad in her purse; it had a picture of a peacock on the cover and the edges of the pages were golden. She ripped out a page and began to write. Her handwriting looked like a string of slanted gourds.
最后，老刀离开餐厅的时候，又回头看了一眼。依言的眼睛注视着墙上的一幅画。她的姿态静默优雅，看上去就像永远都不会离开这里似的。
As Lao Dao left the restaurant, he glanced back. Yi Yan was sitting in the booth, gazing up at a painting on the wall. She looked so elegant and refined, as though she was never going to leave.
他用手捏了捏裤子口袋里的纸币。他讨厌自己，可是他想把纸币抓牢。
He squeezed the bills in his pocket. He despised himself, but he wanted to hold on to the money.
